Alright, so I've had a few days to cry and feel sorry for myself, and I'd like to say that I'm feeling better about the situation but every time I turn around the news just gets worse.

We're moving, again, as soon as we can find a house. I really, really, REALLY don't want to go into details here or in person, because if you've been paying attention it should be pretty obvious why.

Yes, I realize it's not the end of the word. No, it is not "just a house", this was the first "home" we've had for 8 years. Since I'll be moving away in about 5 or 6 months anyway it shouldn't be a big deal, but I was convinced this would be the place I'd be bringing my possible future children to visit their grandparents. This will also be our 5th move in 8 years. Who does that? I just hope that wherever the hell we end up, my parents will be as happy as they are here, and that we can stay there for good.

I've been wanting to post my pictures from the trip to Death Valley, but I'm an idiot and my camera is full of sand/broken at the moment. So I'm posting one of Derek's because he takes much better pictures than I do, and I also like looking at myself. And Mimi. Derek, I'll take it away if you're embarrassed to have your pictures seen with my whining.

Ugh, the only time I ever get a strong urge to ride my bike around, it's midnight or later.
I need to buy a basket for my bike.
I need a job first.




Carl tagged me for this, and since I don't ever post anymore, here are five things I hate:

1. People cracking their knuckles. Or wrists, neck, back, whatever. It really, honestly makes me want to throw up every time I hear it.

2. People rubbing their feet across the carpet, either in socks or barefoot. Like the cracking thing, it gives me chills and makes me really uneasy.

3. Popping balloons.

4. I'm going to repeat one of Carl's hates: Impulse buys. Especially since I don't have any money.

5. Everyone on this site:
http://209.85.165.104/search?q=cache:http%3A//www.fstdt.com/fundies/top100.aspx%3Farchive%3D1

You know what I'd like for Christmas? For A.J. to NOT get the Xbox 360 you already bought for him, because he doesn't need it and sure as shit does not deserve it. He deserves nothing. He deserves to have every single thing he has taken away from him, and for longer than a day or two when he threatens to run away or off himself because his internet was disconnected. Yes he's sick in the head but he's such a fucking baby and I'm so so so SO sick of it.

Would you like to know the ONLY reason I applied to UC Riverside for next fall? It's because I feel guilty and selfish when I think about moving away to Santa Cruz or wherever because that means that my parents will be left with my brother, and to say that he's a constant disappointment doesn't even begin to cover it. I don't mean for this to sound conceited, because I'm definitely not the perfect child, but I feel that my presence in the house is one of the only things keeping my parents from completely losing their shit.

I cannot describe how bad I feel for my parents. They have literally done everything they can to "save" my brother. Even the counselor at his old school in Utah told them that they had done much more than most parents would have. And he just doesn't care. To be honest, I've always wished they'd spent a little more of that time worrying about me, but I guess I turned out all right.




Fuck you, A.J. I don't understand how you can be stupid enough to throw your fucking life away when you have so much opportunity. I mean it when I say that I hate you. I hate that Mom and Dad have spent so much of their energy on you and given you so many chances. Because all you do is shit on them over and over again. You are literally killing Mom with the unnecessary stress you have caused her for years, you have turned Dad into a miserable person, and none of that matters to you. I honestly hate you.